Well. How did that happen? I woke up this morning and I was fifty seven years old. All those days passing with work and passions and plagues, all those hairs turning gray one by one, creeping down my sideburns and into my beard, all those tidbits of time suddenly added up to a big number.

A lot of men, I am told, are suffering mid-life crisis’ at this point in life. Because some things in life haven’t turned out the way they thought they would, they start questioning everything. You see them changing jobs, growing their hair long, questioning (or worse, abandoning) long term relationships, piercing an ear, getting all metaphysical, buying the red Miata……

I think I avoided that, somehow. I’m not saying I never question things, because I do. But life has enough, un-asked for changes in it to keep me fresh and on my toes. And generally, I introduce enough new things along the way, in nice small does, that life isn’t dull.

I got the best birthday question ever from a collegue earlier today. “Happy Birthday.” he said. “Have you learned anything?”

That is just the right question for a birthday, any birthday. What have I learned. Life is full of lessons and too often we are too busy to learn them, to take them to heart, and to act on them.

My life is chock full of lessons. I’d bore you to death, and there aren’t enough hard drives in the universe to hold all the lessons that have come my way in 57 years, But here are a few that are strong in me right now.

• It’s never too late. I don’t care what we think it’s too late for, if we are breathing, we can make progress, grow, try the things we always wanted to do, build a better life… whatever. I’ve tried real hard in life to blow this one, and it has not been until my fifties that I realized how true, and how powerful, this lesson is.
• Love is always unexpected, but you can help it along. Love, whether it is from a child, a friend, a collegue or that special someone, is not deserved. We can try to earn it, but in the end, it wells from someone else’s heart and so, when it comes, it’s a total gift. We can fertilize our garden of love, but it comes when it comes, and it doesn’t when it doesn’t.
• Love often comes in forms that we didn’t ask for. Our society perpetuates the story tale love where we get our heart’s desire. Sometimes, we get something better, but different. If we aren’t open to that, we might miss something spectacular.
• Simplicity leaves room for growth. Complexity bars the way. This is true in our homes, in our lives and work, and in our hearts. The simpler we become, the more opportunity our lives present us.
• It’s less about me than I think it is.  This has been a strange lesson to learn, and it’s one that is still working it’s way through my heart. But in recent years, I’ve learned that so much that seems personal, even things that are flung at me as IF they were personal, often have far more to do with the other person than it does with me. This is hard because its’ counter to what we are hearing and feeling, but the more I learn about the other people around me, the more I realize it’s true. It’s freeing to know this, but hard to fully feel.
• I am not alone. There was a time in my life when I struggled with most things alone. I didn’t want to burden people with my struggles. I’ve learned the hard way how self destructive that is. I still don’t whine and moan and groan and complain, but today, don’t make the mistake of asking me how I am unless you want to know the truth. I’ve learned that sharing my struggles opens others to talk about theirs, to share their story, to help themselves by helping me. And I have learned I am stronger when I admit my weaknesses, because people reach back to me. It’s God’s gift of grace in this world, and when we keep our hearts to ourselves, we are rejecting that gift. How stupid is that? (and trust me, I’ve been plenty stupid at times.)
• Joy is everywhere. But I have to be open to it. Generally, we are our own roadblock to joy. Finding it in the midst of business, or struggle, or pain, is not natural. But it’s easier than we think it is, once we take the leap of faith, it’s all around us. We just have to grasp it.
• God Loves Us. When we  REALLY realize this, everything changes. Because I am just a person, but God, whether you are a Christian like me, or have some other faith, is powerful beyond our imagining. When we have someone that powerful who loves us no matter what, then we have an ally for our whole lives. And, going back to an earlier lesson, we are not alone. Ever.

I am going to stop here, but trust me, there are zillions more. Life is one big lesson. Some of which we learn anew, and others that we seem to have to learn over and over again.

I could do without the balding pate, the greying beard and the aging body. But I am grateful for birthdays, for the opportunity to be thankful, to look at life’s lessons, and to sing my thanks to everyone who makes my life worth living. Bless you all.

Tom

 

PS – The photograph was taken in England. You can click on it for a larger version.