I just finished a very intense week of work in Amsterdam. For the past several weeks I have been doing some freelance work work for a company out of Bulgaria, helping them rethink and revamp their marketing to work better in the U.S. Market. I went to Amsterdam to IBC, an international broadcaster’s convention, to see first hand how customers responded to my client’s current booth and materials, how they presented themselves, did demos and talked about themselves in a public forum. Then take my few weeks probing around and the experience of IBC and make some recommendations.

That’s the part of freelance work I like – the intense focus on one or two projects for a period of time. In today’s multi-tasking world, where we are all juggling dozens of things at once, the ability to focus, to let the threads and subtleties of what you are doing soak in and become part of you allows you to find insights and solutions and connections that are often missed in the constant switching of gears.

Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to know people from all over my client’s company. They have 15 offices in 9 countries and I lived on Skype as I worked in my office, talking to people in Bulgaria, the UK, Inda, Malaysia and the U.S. In Amsterdam, I got to meet many of these people in person in a 10 day intense situation, getting to know several of them very well. I liked most of the people I finally met very much.

But now my work with them is done. Anything I do with them from here on will be incidental. I’ll move on to another project.

That’s the part of freelance work I hate. I am much more of a get to know people well and work with a team over time kind of person. It’s the people I serve and work with that make work a deeper joy for me. For me, its fun, yes, fun, to work with a small group of people to build something over time. It’s why I like being a part – a part of a company, a part of a church, a part of a family. It’s the long term nature of things that suits me best, and my dedication to the group and it’s missions that brings out the best in me.

And yet…. I am an introvert. Not a a hermit. Far from that. An introvert is someone who is energized by aloneness or quiet. It’s there ideas fall into place, emotions settle out, we are recharged. We do our best work.

We live in a world of extroverts. That’s mathematical fact. Studies have shown we introverts are a minority. Extroverts make up over 2/3 of the world. Extroverts are held up as people of success, progress, business, the life of the party, something to be admired and emulated.

Introverts are not always the shy, retiring sorts that are often pictured in modern culture. People are never that simple. I can be very sociable. Like many introverts I have learned the skills of an extroverted exterior. I can work a party, lead groups, give talks to large crowds of people and do all of them well. I enjoy doing them.

Just not all the time.

Being “on” all the time wears me out. It drains me. At IBC, the broadcast convention I just returned from, I worked the crowds for 8-10 hours a day and it was fascinating and interesting. It was hard work and I enjoyed it. But it was also exhausting. Not physically exhausting (although walking on concrete floors all day IS tiring), but mentally and emotionally exhausting.  At the end of the day, I didn’t go downtown to the nightclubs and hotspots. I went back to my room and let the knowledge and impressions settle. I thought. I felt. The thousands of conversations settled into trends, categories, and directions became clear. Things I soft of knew going into the convention became clear. I understood the whys.

This trait is also why I write poetry. Life whirls around us. When I look back at the past several years, it’s a whirlwind of things that have happened to me and to people I love. It comes at me faster than I can process it.

Some people might see that as a flaw, the slow processing. In an argument. I often am at a loss of words. In a time of deep hurt, I am often flailing for the right words to express what I am feeling. It takes me time to distill a feeling. But give me time to let things whirl around me, and they settle into something that, I am told (by others) hold truth, wisdom, beauty, and deep emotion.

But none of it comes quickly. The insights came slowly. The words fall into place over time. The art is the result of deep feelings slowly  bubbling to the top. So, I might not be the man of constant action. But this, finding insight, beauty, essence, I can do because I am introvert.

The world often separates opposites as things at war with each other. But as I age, I see it less and less that way. I see the most opposites as potentially complimentary, but, and this is important, only if both sides see and appreciate the value of our opposite.

Not the value of the opposite to ourselves. Often our opposite is irritating or maddening to us as individuals. But in a group, whether it’s a couple or a company or a church or a family, when the differences are seen in the context of that group, they often have a deeper value, if we stop and look and see things as a whole, feel it as a whole. Opposites, who respect their opposite, have a balance that contributes to success, whether it’s in a relationship or a business venture.

The last couple of weeks I have been out of balance. Very focused on my work at IBC. I’ve hardly written a line, just one short poem. I have done no art, not even a single line drawn in a doodle. I am out of balance.

I can function out of balance for a while, for a long while in fact, but in the end, if we are not true to ourselves, it catches up with us. It damages us. I know, I’ve made that mistake in the past and the wear on my soul slowly eroded the best of me.

I’m fortunate. I came back from Amsterdam, and immediately, jet lag and all, made the trip from Vermont to Virginia to visit my son and watch his marching band competition today. Maybe an eleven and a half hour drive with a 6 hour jet lag weighing on you is not your idea of a good thing, but for me, it gives me nearly 24 hours to just sit with my feelings, sit with life and love and fears and ideas and enthusiasms, and recharge.

By Monday, I will be back at my desk, energized, seeking the next project, and writing again. Back in balance, back to the woman I love, and back, true to myself where I can do my best work.

Tom

PS – the picture was taken at Amsterdam. I spent a lot of time in train/subway stations while I was there. You can click on it for a larger version.