It has been a decade and more since I was tossed aside,
deemed no longer worthy of effort and care.
Flotsam I was for a time, unrecognizable,
odd man out, suddenly unsure of who and what I was.
And with good reason. I was worn.
The erosion ran deep and you were bled out,
a perfectly preserved cadaver, with breath.
And so began a journey, unexpected
and far more interesting than any I had planned,
a Robinson Crusoe search for my soul
and the underpinnings.
I was not good at protecting myself, a thing the shrinks
warn me about to this day. Some things never heal.
It is amazing what one can find in the rubble,
the bits and pieces, the cornerstones and momentoes
worth far more than you imagined when all was at peace.
So too, it is amazing how much can be let go, love letters
and other ephemera. The promise of things seem less certain,
and certainly, of less value.
And so I rebuilt, first with no other object than a roof,
protection from the storm. Not pretty and never sure,
a wobbly sort of future, well suited to a fragile soul.
You have abandoned tomorrow. You have lost faith in its power.
There is only today, today and always today,
leaving a house and a life made differently,
less predictable, a stack of wooden blocks and flowers,
of cats and computers and textbooks of spirits and Sherlock Holmes.
Oh, how I cared what you thought! It almost broke me.
And yet, here I am,
planted in new soil, less tended than allowed,
my roots finding their way between the layers of stone beneath the grass,
slying building strength in the bedrock.
a creature of today, flowers changing with the seasons,
roots as eternal as God.
And so I am a new thing. Unrecognizable in ways,
familiar in others, rubble made good,
Not so much that the pieces are unrecognizable
as the putting together.
No one would plan this
except a gleeful God, filled with child-like creativity
About this Poem
As I sipped coffee with my bride this morning, full of peace and love I never expected again, I realized I have been in Vermont just less than a decade. It’s been an amazing journey. Who woulda thunk it?
God does good work, when we let him