The Berserker’s Morning List

Loss. Age.
Anticipation.
Uncertainty.
A smattering of sadness.
a battle to reclaim discipline.
Not quite satisfaction, but peace.
A bit of a struggle to name each one,
sure, like a first-day teacher, you will forget one or the other.
Not that it matters. Life goes on
whether you can name them or not.

But naming them makes you feel more human,
better able to recognize the enemy,
a better berserker as you start your day.

About this poem

Robin Williams’ famous quote (which has always resonated deeply with me) “People don’t fake depression. They fake being OK.” has been playing in my head this morning.

When I was first diagnosed with depression, one of the first tools my therapist gave me was to begin writing again. Writing a poem a day (most days) and writing in my journal. I would start the journal entry simply making a list of what I was feeling, because I could not always name my emotions, and was left at the whim of emotions I could not recognize, much less control.

That was nearly 20 years ago. I still do it.

I never tell people “I have depression.” or “I suffer from depression.” I always tell them, “I fight depression.

For all of you who battle with me, I salute you. I know the work involved.

Tom

PS- The bench is at the Shaker Village in Hancock, Massachusetts. Regular readers may note that I take a lot of pictures of benches, small sofas and two chairs pulled close together. When I do, I am always imagining sitting with the woman I love. It is one of the things that makes me happy.

PPS – My mother was a major list maker. I take after her, and when I do, I think of her.

PPPS – Poetry is never about one thing.