Proud Tears

It is OK
to cry on Christmas,
to let the tears run unimpeded,
to sob loudly, without filters,
to let the rawness run loose and unhindered
by any need for bravery or show.

There is no show.
There is no need.
Go ahead, mourn for the dead,
for all the losses that have built huge walls
of pain,
walls,
you have been afraid to knock down,
sure that the power of your grief would kill you.

It is OK
to cry on Christmas,
to let the tears run unimpeded,
to sob loudly, without filters,
to dance with joy, to revel
in your undeserved grace.
Propriety be damned –

you have found purpose, joy,
love, passion.
You have rediscovered hope
and found your fairy tales were based on truth
all along.

There is no reason to hold back your celebration.
God himself sent masses of angels,
a host,
to celebrate his joy,
so turn yours loose, and if it means tears,
cry them proudly,
evidence
of a heart unhardened.

It is OK
to cry on Christmas

About this poem

This morning, when I checked e-mail, there was one from my mom’s pastor. Their Christmas Eve service had involved luminaries. She attached the picture above, dedicated to my mom, who died last spring, and whose death triggered a host of other losses that have piled up and weighed me down emotionally for months.

But the year has not only been a year of mourning. There have been joys. There has been healing. There has been love. New hopes. New adventures.

When I saw the picture this morning. I cried. I cried as I have not cried since my mother’s death. All the loss, all the struggles, came pouring out.

When I was done, however, I realized they were not just tears of sadness. They were tears of life, because there have also been great, unexpected joys in my life, and the tears I cried included those things too.

And I came out of the tears cleansed. Not “over it”, but feeling it all in a different way. Feeling blessed despite the struggles, full of joy.

And what could be a better Christmas gift?

Tom