Poem: A Lot More Fun

Wilson castle prayer_resize.JPG

A Lot More Fun

I am not stupid.
I am not blind.
I am aware of the dangers as much as anyone.
Maybe more so.
It is my body after all,
my body that has this thing growing in me.

I have been told how I (should) feel,
but I am afraid I’ve been a grave disappointment.
You see, I feel good

I feel good. I mean, I feel really good.
James Brown good.
Joe Cocker good.
A glass of bourbon and a bonfire good.

There is a freedom in it all being out of my hands.
God and the docs are in charge from here on out.
I just show up at the right time.
Do this. Take that. Be a good boy.

They can worry.
I’ve learned better.
I’ve wasted big chunks of life worrying
about things that never came to pass.
So much life lost!
So much energy expended.

When I look back, I am dazzled by the waste.
at the loss of joy.

I wasn’t a young man then.
I should have known better.
I knew what the experts said.
I knew the scripture,
and like a wilfull teenager, I ignored it all.
I knew better.

Wrong again.

So this time, I am living differently.
The other guys can worry.
I will just live. Love. Dance.
Persist. Plan.

No wasted life this time around.
I’ve already made that mistake.
Today in my near old age, I am far better
at making new ones.

They are a lot more fun.

About this poem

Some (OK, a bunch) of you have suggested I write more on my journey through cancer treatment. I don’t know that I trust my eloquence as much as you. But from time to time it will show up because for the next few months it will be part of my life and sooner or later, most of the big stuff in my life shows up here.

Not great poetry, but it sums out where I am in my march towards cancer surgery. Life is good. This week I get a set of scans to make sure the stuff hasn’t spread. The doc doesn’t think so, and mostly they don’t tell you encouraging stuff like that unless they are pretty sure. But you have to do all the tests to make sure.

And me. I feel good. James Brown good. Don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense. If you had traveled my journey, it would make perfect sense.



PS: The picture was taken at Wilson Castle in Proctor, VT


One comment

  1. Despite all problems, we have to breath deeply, wait for the better, and do things as we in our lives. Live and live. I have had some problems, I pray, I believe in the best end and I live my life, doing things, embroidering, teaching, reading, sometimes worried, but living, I am sure everthing will be fine, Tom, every challenge is a lesson, I have prayed for you, God bless you.

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