It is a day that cannot decide what it is.
A smattering of rain. A flash of sun.
Somewhere in the distance, thunder.
WIndy with a hint of coolness.
Never mind the future being confusing,
it is confusing this moment, politics and religion
and God (not always the same, alas), and
the constant sell, sell, sell, hundreds of algorithms
competing for cash, urging anger over grace,
few of them knowing, caring what you really want,
unless it can be bought or sold.
And this is why you leave behind the world
a bit more often than they would like.
Disappear. Sip your coffee. Stare into space.
Give yourself room to feel more
that the artificially inseminated emotions.
To stand back and look at what the world does,
ignoring what it says. Content with your coffee
and something, someone true at your side,
both of us flawed and lacking, but far more real,
and filled with grace because of those lacks
and what they have cost. Strange and happy
in the midst of all this uncertainty, aware your rants
have little effect. OK with that. Aware your rants
are a boy’s temper tantrum with a man’s words,
that they flash like another stalk of lighting
and then are lost with the rest of them, the next
and the next until the summer storm has passed
and you are left on the front porch, dripping, drying
waiting for the next storm.
So pardon me, sitting here at the window table.
I am just a sillohette. Real enough to leave a shadow
or an impression, not quite real enough,
not quite enough detail to matter. Willing to do the work,
say the words, paint the painting, willing to be seen
with no expectation of power, gratefully enough
to be allowed the time and the words and the colors,
and corner seats to ponder
and hold the hand of someone who sees and knows
and loves me anyway.
About this poem
I am blessed to be surrounded by people of grace, where I am allowed my flaws and loved anyway. The woman I love. My kids. My closest friends. Even many of you who read. They, you, know my flaws. and yet…..
It is a good feeling to live in that place. It was a long time coming.