Happy in the Twilight

Another dark day. Clouds. A not quite spring air
runs through my beard and over my face,
not unlike a lover’s fingers.

I am accustomed to this. Almost light.
Never surprised by dusk. Never quite dancing
in the anticipation of dawn. Even keeled,

Discipline and drugs holding me steady
enough to make use of what gifts you have
without going all Oscar Wilde,

protecting me from the extremes I am prone to,
that have plagued me since the earliest trauma
and the next and the next. And hopefully, the next.

It is worth the amputation to be allowed to love
freely, to trust again. To build castles out of heart
instead of bricks, to be happy in the twilight,

more happy than I deserve, a man living in grace
and deeply, deeply aware of it.

About this poem

In the spiritual world I live in, Grace is “the unmerited favor of God.” In other words, I don’t get what I deserve. I get better. I feel that grace every day. I do my best to extend it. It is, I believe, what the world I want to live in is made of.

Regular readers know I fight depression. I have a lot of mental tools to beat it back, but I also take medication which clips off the deepest lows and highest hights. Yeah, it’s worth every bit of the amputation.

The picture was take on Cape Cod. If I remember right, it was Marconi Beach.

Be well. Travel wisely. Live in Grace.

Tom