Over the last year and a half I have become less organized and less disciplined.

You would not know it to look at me. I have taken on more work at my churches and other groups I am part of. People comment on my productivity and efficiency. But…. I have not been feeding the soul. I have not written as regularly, painted as regularly or gotten out and away as regularly as I used to.

There was a time that I thought all those things that seem on the surface to be secondary, the things of rest and recharging were selfish. But I learned the hard way twenty-some odd years ago, that they are not. Back then I was a whirling devish of good work. And my soul-feeding activities had been pushed aside, and after years of that, I came undone. Totally undone.

I used to think I was selfish to claim time to write, paint, think, feel. I used to think my experience was unique. But science has proved me wrong. Those soul-feeding activities are what make me able to do all those other things and feel whole.

So as we careen through Holy Week (A crazy busy time for us pastor types) I have been laying the groundwork to reclaim some of that time. I have made a private promise to myself to apply the same discipline to my soul work as I do to my work work. You regular readers likely won’t notice it that much. A few more poems or paintings, perhaps, but I will.

“Things Fall Apart. The Centre cannot hold.” – one of my favorite lines of poetry from W. H. Auden’s poem “The Second Coming.” So much truth in seven words!

For me, this means a slowing down. Becoming mindful again. Toss careening and exchange it for meandering. I am at my best when I meander. But in a busy world, you have to be conscious about it or get swept away in the flood. A lesson I seem to need to learn over and over again.

Maybe you are in a similar place. Busy, but with the wrong mix to make you whole, happy, filled? If so, take this as your sign. Things fall apart – but they can be put together again. I know. I’ve made that journey a few times.

Be well. Travel wisely,

Tom

PS: This began (and mostly still is) as a journal entry. I think journaling is an amazingly powerful tool for growth.

PPS: The photograph was taken at the Hancock Shaker Village in Hancock, Mass.